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GRANDMOTHER SCARED HER GRANDSON WILL BECOME A PUSSY

A grandmother shared her concerns publicly today at a local Starbucks. Witnesses say the emotionally fragile grandmother declared her displeasure for the way he’s being raised, “This boy lives in a damn bubble, if people don’t start having a little fun we’re going to turn into robots. My grandkid can’t even go outside without his shitty parents all up in my flow.” She had a silver canister by her side which we momentarily thought was a pipe bomb but turned out to be Dangerdorf, a local San Diego herbal liqueur. Sources say she was pouring that heavy in her double shot Americana. “This has got to stop or we’re going to be surrounded by sissies! Bring back dodgeball” was screamed as she slammed back her scorching hot beverage, kicked open the exit door and sprinted down the sidewalk at what looked to be about a 5.2 40. 
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MAN SUSPECTED OF TAKING LEMUR OUT ON THE TOWN FOR HIS 21ST BIRTHDAY

Mika the lemur had just turned 21 years old.

(Original Story seen here.)

A very good source has recently told us that Maki the lemur is alive and well, boozing nightly with a friend. Sources say an associate of theirs heard Maki was caged up in San Francisco, so he took a bottle of Dangerdorf up to him in hopes of luring him out for a night on the town. “It worked like a charm,” said a friend who prefers to be anonymous as he fears the wrath of PETA, an organization that frowns on lemur intoxication. “Not to worry, I will bring back Maki when he’s good and ready, and right now he’s more interested in chasing CL smooths with Dangerdorf, and checking out babes on the beach. The guy's a damn magnet” More to follow as this story develops.





Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

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