DANGERDORF

Gorgeous Newsome shines those nuclear whites, while getting a proper dusting from his assistant.  As hair salons and barbershops across California are forced to close one question remains unanswered; How does Gavin Newsome keep his hair so slick and perfect? We spoke with his assistant, Satan, to find out more. Satan, as a man who is no stranger to torture, can we finally tell the public how Gavin Newsome keeps his hair so slick. What’s his secret? “Well quite honestly it wasn’t something we just found by luck. It took a year. Initially we used a pomade, which was fine, but didn’t have the sheen we were looking for, then we got real experimental. Everything from dry shampoo to blood from the heart of a condor. We thought we were right there with the tears of restaurant owners, and then EUREKA! Dangerdorf came along.” What was it about Dangerdorf that made his hair so special? “Well, that’s hard to say. All I know is we put that stuff on everything. From mixing it with his lube to h...

Mashed potatoes are a Thanksgiving delight. They’re something many of us struggle with and one of the more critiqued dishes served during the beloved holiday. Thanks to Ina Garten’s new cookbook we finally found a recipe that provides the single ingredient we’ve been missing. Dangerdorf. That’s it. We just do mashed potatoes however, and we drink Dangerdorf the entire time. I mean, it's fucking potatoes. If you don't like it, that's on you. By the time the potatoes are ready to serve, I drank so much Dangerdorf, I don't give a shit if people like them.

Doctor applies vaccine to man that couldn't wait to party. "I'll be interesting to girls in no time," said the man. Not long after Pfizer and Moderna came out with something, a third and far more exciting vaccine with 1000% effectiveness could be coming soon to a town near you. The product is being called Dangerdorf and has a fascinating method towards destroying the virus known as sobriety. We interviewed some guy who said he was a scientist at a bar. He inoculated himself with the vaccine earlier that day. The scientist said the process is simple, “You can’t sip it, you gotta rip it.” Ripping it, is apparently the method in which the vaccine enters the body through the mouth. It’s administered by shot glass, and can be mixed with pineapple juice, and a little lime, in the event your girlfriend wants to take one too. The more you drink the more effective the delicious liquid becomes. There are some side effects, as we were told when digging a little deeper. The scien...

Mika the lemur had just turned 21 years old. ( Original Story  seen here.) A very good source has recently told us that Maki the lemur is alive and well, boozing nightly with a friend. Sources say an associate of theirs heard Maki was caged up in San Francisco, so he took a bottle of Dangerdorf up to him in hopes of luring him out for a night on the town. “It worked like a charm,” said a friend who prefers to be anonymous as he fears the wrath of PETA, an organization that frowns on lemur intoxication. “Not to worry, I will bring back Maki when he’s good and ready, and right now he’s more interested in chasing CL smooths with Dangerdorf, and checking out babes on the beach. The guy's a damn magnet” More to follow as this story develops.