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GRANDMOTHER SCARED HER GRANDSON WILL BECOME A PUSSY

A grandmother shared her concerns publicly today at a local Starbucks. Witnesses say the emotionally fragile grandmother declared her displeasure for the way he’s being raised, “This boy lives in a damn bubble, if people don’t start having a little fun we’re going to turn into robots. My grandkid can’t even go outside without his shitty parents all up in my flow.” She had a silver canister by her side which we momentarily thought was a pipe bomb but turned out to be Dangerdorf, a local San Diego herbal liqueur. Sources say she was pouring that heavy in her double shot Americana. “This has got to stop or we’re going to be surrounded by sissies! Bring back dodgeball” was screamed as she slammed back her scorching hot beverage, kicked open the exit door and sprinted down the sidewalk at what looked to be about a 5.2 40. 
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A THIRD VACCINE IS 1000% EFFECTIVE


Doctor applies vaccine to man that couldn't wait to party. "I'll be interesting to girls in no time," said the man.

Not long after Pfizer and Moderna came out with something, a third and far more exciting vaccine with 1000% effectiveness could be coming soon to a town near you. The product is being called Dangerdorf and has a fascinating method towards destroying the virus known as sobriety. We interviewed some guy who said he was a scientist at a bar. He inoculated himself with the vaccine earlier that day. The scientist said the process is simple, “You can’t sip it, you gotta rip it.” Ripping it, is apparently the method in which the vaccine enters the body through the mouth. It’s administered by shot glass, and can be mixed with pineapple juice, and a little lime, in the event your girlfriend wants to take one too. The more you drink the more effective the delicious liquid becomes. There are some side effects, as we were told when digging a little deeper. The scientist himself disclosed to us that the night before after taking several vaccines, he decided to do what he called, “The no pants dance.” This is a side effect that the police department called, “Illegal.” When asked, "Isn't this just booze?" The scientist replied, "Blaaaaaaaaaaaa."

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